My mom said to me the other day, "You not only dress like a Bohemian, you are one..."
Considering that I have never, in my adult life, owned a couch and the thought of owning a piece of property makes me feel like I'm suffocating this is probably true. I like being free. I don't feel this way when it comes to relationships. I can commit to people, to yoga, and to writing. I also am able to commit to my restaurant jobs, but the idea of committing to a place, that scares me. It feels too permanent.
Life is impermanent. The only constant is change. It was my long battle with anxiety and OCD, which was rooted in wanting to control my surroundings, which made me accept this truth. For years, I was uncomfortable in the unknown and I felt that if I did the same thing everyday nothing would change and I would never be surprised by the happenings of the day. I was trapped by own fear of the next moment. The truth is, no matter how much I did things the same life always changedand I had absolutely no control over that. Accepting this opened me up to the beauty that is change so that rather than resenting change I looked forward to it. Change is inevitable. And in this moment of my life I embrace change with open arms and with the most free-loving Bohemian heart I have ever had.
You see, for a free spirit I have lived some very rigid ways of being. OCD is rigid and I was OCD for many years. It is only through a very dedicated yoga practice and commitment to being the best I can be that I was able to let go of those obsessive patterns and embrace a new way of living. The old is comfortable. It is why people stay in relationships (romantic and otherwise) that don't work or jobs or cities they are miserable in, for letting go and starting over is scary, but sometimes it is crucial for our growth to cut the ties to the old and let fresh blossoms bloom the Bohemian way...
Wow, you put into words to what I've always felt, but not expressed. When I was in my twenties I felt like a car loan would suffocate me. So I never borrowed money to buy a car. When I moved out of my parents home I loved living in an almost empty apartment. Open space and peace. Then when I decided to buy a home I couldn't stomach the thought of borrowing money to pay for it. But, alas I did. Now, I am considering buying a new car and borrowing some money to buy it. Things that I would have loathed just 10 years ago. BJAG
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